I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
