bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
