I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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