My liver just broke up with me...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
