Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
40s are totally the cure
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
