dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
