You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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