Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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