hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
