Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
