It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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