so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
