So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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