She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
