I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
