I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
