just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
