Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
