There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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