Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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