I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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