Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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