Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
