Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
