You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
