you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
