smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
