walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
