the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
