Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Quick, to the slutcave!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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