Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
