Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
