Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
