You just made me feel so damn special
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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