it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
