I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
