my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize