...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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