i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
