Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
