I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
