Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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