So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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