awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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