Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This is the high leading the old right now
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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