I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
