I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
