This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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