**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
