Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Randomize
