Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
