i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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