I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
