Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
