Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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