The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
