double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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