Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
