Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
