Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize