She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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