Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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