Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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