PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
