Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
