Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she peed on how many people?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize