VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
