Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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