Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
