he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
